Dealing with Bullies (even grown up ones)

Hi!  My name is Elyse. 

Throughout my middle school and high school years, I was bullied. Mostly by fellow girls, but also in some cases by guys. It was the typical kind of bullying: name calling, exclusion, meanness. But it was all verbal. I never had to deal with being pushed, shoved, or sexual harassment like some young girls and boys have to. I dreaded walking through the halls at passing time. I hated riding the bus, until I figured out that if I sat in the very front seat, no one would bother me. I counted down the years, months and days until I got my driver’s license, became a senior, graduated high school and could get out of there.

One event that has stuck with me is when my “best friend” in middle school and early high school  (I put it in quotes because friends don’t do what she did) called me fat and slow and saying that I should be in the back of the lane... in front of a bunch of other people during a swim practice. And then refused to apologize.

An acquaintance of mine freshman year of high school would attack my religion on a daily basis. He would tell me that, “You killed Jesus” because I am Catholic. And then proceed to call me names and tell me that I should get a better religion. He was mean to almost everyone, but no one ever stood up to him, and he was always especially mean to me.

Before I go into details about what you can do, I would like to take a quick moment to address something: If someone ever makes you feel physically unsafe, like they would physically assault you or attempt to do so, get in touch with your Resident Assistant, Community Assistant, Security, teacher, boss, the local police force, whatever you need to do to feel safe. Don’t wait until something happens. Your physical safety is the #1 priority!!

So what can you do as a college student if you’re being bullied?

1. First thing: you are NOT ALONE. It happens more than people would like to admit, because we’re all supposed to be mature adults here. Talk to someone. Make sure you understand your campus policy or school policy on mandated reporting (in other words, people who have to tell someone else if you give specific information about an instance of harassment that has happened to you) before you talk to your Resident Assistant, Community Assistant, or anyone in the counseling center. You can talk to friends, your priest, your parents, siblings.  Somebody cares about you. Find them and talk it out.  asdflsdjflajsdlfkjlskdjflksajdflk;laskjdflkjsaldkfjlksadjlfkjsakjasldkfjlksadjflksadjfasjdlfk;jsal;dkfjl;skdfj;k
2. Second thing: make sure you tell the person who is bullying you:  “NO. I don’t like that. You need to STOP.” Say it forcefully, say it with meaning, none of that giggly stuff that really means keep doing it. Practice in the mirror, practice in the shower, practice everywhere until you can say it and MEAN IT. You need to be CRYSTAL CLEAR that you don’t like what the person is doing. If he or she doesn’t stop, it’s time to find out about reporting the person for harassment. Document everything. If there’s any social media interaction with this person, screen shot it. Write down any interactions you have on campus with times and dates, people that you know that saw it happen. Write down how you felt. If it’s via text message, save it. Any sort of interaction. flkasjdflkjsalkdfjlkasjdfklasjdlfkjasdldsjfkll;sadlkfskajdflkjasdklfjlsakdjflksajdfl;ksjdfl;kjsd;lkfjlsakjdfkl;sajdlfkjsdalkjflaksdjflkjdsflkjdsflkjsdl;fkjals;kdfjl;ksdajfl;kasjflkj
3. Third thing: Reporting for Harassment. It can be a long and somewhat uncomfortable process as it requires you to talk about what this person has been doing to you. Keep in mind that everyone involved cares about you and your safety. And that safety is the #1 priority. It can seem really frustrating, especially when it’s not moving as quickly as you would like, or when it feels like the administration isn’t on your side. Keep with it, it’s worth it in the end. Keep talking to that social support person that we talked about earlier.

Remember that you are NOT ALONE, that somebody loves you even if you don’t feel like it at the moment, there is someone who does. Keep  in mind that nobody deserves the right to wipe that smile off your face.

~ Lots of love, 

G4G and Elyse