Friday, October 19, 2012

You Opinions: The B Word

Opinions:
         Women "are taught to soften their opinions...they fear being called a bitc* (1)."
When I first read this statement in my textbook I really reflected on it. After a lot of thinking, I believe this statement has a lot of truth to it. I believe that as women we sometimes soften our opinions in order to not hurt other people's feelings. To me, softening an opinion is another way of saying, "My opinion isn't important/good/intelligent enough." As nice people, we don't want to intentionally hurt someone, and that's a good thing, but we need to realize that we can give our opinions
 respectfully, and honestly. 

As for the second part I had to be frank with myself...I do have a slight worry about being called the B Word. I feel like if someone calls me that, people will automatically judge me, not give me a chance, or treat me different. But as I was reflecting I realized something:  I'm letting a word dictate my opinions and the way I live life. We are letting a word dictate our opinions and the way we live our lives. And it doesn't have to be the B Word, it would be ANY offensive/mean word.   

But the WORST part is the "devaluation of femininity is not only built into cultural views, but typically is internalized by individuals, including women (1)." When people devalue our opinions we internalize it, and we eventually believe that our opinions are not worth anything. I was talking about this concept with some of my residents. My resident Nina said, "A lot of girls dumb themselves down...for guys especially. You want people to like you." I think she's right. We don't let our true opinions or thoughts shine because of the fear we've developed though internalizing other people's disrespectful comments or actions.   
But I'm telling your right now...
your opinions and thoughts are too VALUABLE to keep hidden. 
The world needs opinions and ideas like YOURS. You have important things to say, and share! So say and share them! 

Love, 
G4G and Tinamarie 
    
*Comment below and tell me what you think about this topic!        

   
Works Cited
(1) Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender, & Culture by Julia T. Wood 10th Edition

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Respect

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
      Respect is defined as "a feeling of deep admiration for someone; due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others."
I think this definition is SPOT on! I don't know about you, but I don't really think about respect until I don't get it. 
But how do we know we are being completely respected, subtly disrespected, and completely disrespected?

Let's start with subtle disrespect: 
This are the things that appear little/harmless on the outside, but really sting on the inside. It could be in the form of: sexist jokes, put-downs, devalued opinions, whistling, sarcasm, and rude comments. These are the things we don't bring up others, because we don't want people to think that we're "too sensitive."    

Complete disrespect:
This is a little different. This takes subtle disrespect to a new level.  
  • name calling, lying, yelling, degrading women emotionally, degrading women's intelligence, inflicting physical harm, not respecting personal boundaries, not listening to "no", and bullying 
are all ways that complete disrespect can be shown. 
You do not have to take this.

  But what about complete respect?
 These are the things that make us feel wonderful. These are the things that make us feel good, special, and capable. These are things like: 
  • caring, listening, kindness, sincerity,  honesty, compliments, trust, knowing each others limits, heart-to-hearts, chivalry, wanted hugs and kisses, and staying true though the bad times.
When you are feeling completely respected, you are feeling supported, and treasured

But here's the thing about respect...it's NOT a gift, it's something that everyone deserves.
You deserve respect.
If you are in any kind of relationship, and you think that you might be being disrespected, this might be something to reflect on:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

*Insert the person's name into the green words of the scripture, and see what happens.

 Now, no one is perfect (I know I'm not!), and everyone has times where they do disrespectful things, but there IS a line. 

Don't be afraid to walk with your head help up high, and use your voice to get respect. 
Don't be afraid to say firmly but respectfully say, "Hey, when you say that to me, it makes me feel disrespected. Please don't do that anymore."
If that person does respect you, they will take you and your feelings seriously. If not, it might be time to think about moving on.
 
 If someone in your life is disrespecting you, I pray that you find the strength within your heart to know that you deserve to be respected.





**DO YOU WANT TO HELP G4G CREATE A POSTER ON RESPECT?! Our new goal is to make an eye-catching poster directed to women about how we deserve respect! 
Any ideas? Comment below!!!